Dear Blog, I'm sorry it's been so long...

...since my last post I have returned from Norway and given Laura and the cats big hugs. Then I went back to work and gave the coffee machine and Carrie-Anne big hugs. Then I did a lot of sleeping.

Then we went to Edinburgh for the weekend and saw Iron and Wine. We had an awesome time away even if Sam Beam was convinced that 20 minute jazz instrumentals were necessary in EVERY song.

I haven't written anything since my return but have resolved to do a lot more reading and research. Laura and I read Patti Smith's "Just Kids" and cried at it (me on the inside only - natch!) and then realised that if Patti was 27 before she started properly writing songs then there is hope for us yet! Sometimes I feel so old and that I'm not achieving things at the proper pace. Then I remember that I felt the same way at 19 and again at 20 and pretty much every year since I've been alive so maybe if I stop looking back at all I haven't done yet I can finally start doing things.

I've started tutoring some Higher English kids so I think that will take up more time than I anticipated until the exam in May. I think it will be good to help though. It will give me more of an idea of what I might be like as a teacher and also will help me tighten up my own grammar etc. which is always in danger of slipping :)

In other news, Laura was the featured artist in February's "The List" magazine and on the Central station website. Then she was chosen to go on a sculpture residency in Huntly for two weeks over Easter. I know that it's a great opportunity but selfish Steph is sad because she will miss Laura :(

It feels nice to know that Laura's work is being recognised and I can see her developing as an artist and the themes in which she is concentrating on are really interesting right now.

I think I need to get my arse in gear. Watch this space...

O

Me- Can…can you hear me?

You- No.

Me- You just replied.

You- I’m choosing not to listen to you.

Me- Well listen. I said, “I’ll put it into words for you, if you like?”

You- We always said that we wouldn’t.

Me- I know but…

You- Sshhh! Not now.

Me- Well when?

You- Um…sometime around never.

Me- But I love you.

You- Too direct. Try again.

Me- Well, um…see sometimes you get flightless birds and…and well, they are kind of like a metaphor for…

You- Too flowery. And also too many undecided words. You are taking up all of my headspace. Try again.

Me- I don’t know you.

You- No you don’t.

Me- But well, you don’t know me either…

You- I don’t want to.

Me-But you can feel it right? You can say that?

You- Maybe.

Me- That’s an undecided word.

You- I’m not saying I am decided. You are.

Me- I don’t have words for how this feels.

You- Why do we need words? We were fine as we were.

Me- But I wanted to tell you.

You- What? What I already know?

Me- Maybe…I don’t know what you already know.

You- Don’t worry. I know.

Me-Oh. And do you feel it too?

You- I don’t know.

Me- How can you not know how you feel?

You- I choose not to. It won’t make a difference.

Me- It won’t?

You- Do you think it will?

Me- No. I guess not.

You- “Guess” is an undecided word too you know?

Me- I know. I don’t want to be decided anymore.

You-Are we finished now?

Me- I suppose.

You- Do you feel better now we have spoken our words.

Me- No, I feel worse.

You- I thought that might happen.

Me - Sorry.

You- Can you get out of my head now please?

Me- Yes. Sorry.

You- Don’t be sorry when you can be absent.

Me- Did you get that in a greeting card?

You- No.

Me- I was trying to be funny.

You- I know. It won’t make me want you in my head any longer.

Me- Ok, I’m sorry I’m going now.

You- Good. Goodbye.

Me - …

You-Are you gone?

Me - …

You-Hello?

Me - …

You- Ok, so you’re gone then?

Me - …

You- I…I love you too.

Me – [breathes]

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Dear You,
Please find attached a copy of the telepathic conversation I believe we had two hours prior. I took the liberty of transcribing it so I could email yourself and find out for definite if we indeed had this conversation. Please email back a confirmation or denial of such events.
Kind regards,
Me.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Me,
No more words now, telepathic or otherwise. Please.
You.