I'm aware that to most of you who know me, this isn't exactly new information. I've been with Laura for 5 years now and lets be honest, we're not exactly shy when talking about our opinions on feminism; gender and queer related issues. I'm gay. I like being gay. I have a lovely girlfriend and I have an amazing life with her and long may it continue.
I like to think that we haven't had to deal with homophobia on any major level, even at this point in our lives. We haven't been threatened physically in any way for being gay; we don't live in a country where homosexuality is illegal and we aren't in the US military or anything where, up until today, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" was a perfectly acceptable way to treat gay soldiers. To be honest, compared to most - we've had a pretty easy ride. When I came out to my Mum at 15 - she was fine! When I (eventually) came out to my way-religious Dad at 18, he wasn't great about it but he didn't stop speaking to me or - so it could have been a lot worse.
However, lately, it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to be subject to the kind of homophobia that is more subtle day-to-day. Homophobia that I, and I'm sure a lot of other people face all the time.
It's quite common when holding hands with Laura while walking down the street, guys will shout "lesbos" or "rug munchers" at us, which as ridiculously comical as it is - is still pathetic in this day and age. Parents will frequently stare us out on the bus if we are holding hands in front of their children - like what we are doing is in anyway more damaging than their parent's own hate-filled opinions.
However, the main source of homophobia that I have to face and live with daily, is a lots closer to home. After the whole vagina debate with Laura's pictures, my Dad and a couple of other members of my family had an issue with the image and the fact that the vagina in question belonged to myself. Although it is disappointing to see our message about sex-positivity being lost, even to my family, it is understandable. We live in a society where nudity is immediately sexualised and seen as taboo. Are we ready yet, really, to start seeing other family members nakedness?! Probably not.
But the part of this whole situation that upset me the most during this whole time, was when my Dad said that the main reason he was upset at the image was the fact that my 13 year old sister might figure out that I was gay, and that was his MAIN problem with it. His main problem. I don't think I've ever been so angry and hurt in my life, especially in a situation I felt I couldn't fight back in.
To give you a little back-story: my Dad and step-mum are going through quite a nasty separation at the moment, and I have been with Laura for 5 years. Someone who wasn't deathly homophobic ma - JUST MAY - see that showing a young person a positive and loving relationship that is lasting - whether it be a gay relationship or not - MIGHT JUST BE OKAY??!! And maybe, just maybe, not something to run away screaming from?!
At this time, I'm still not really sure what the major issue is. The whole thing is a bit vague. Is it that I am an abomination in the eyes of the Lord? Do my family believe those, awfully questionable, aspects of Christianity? Shall I remind them of all the contraception they should probably stop taking and admonish them when they use the Lord's name in vain too? Just to make sure they are sticking to the "rules" see. Or has it become perfectly acceptable to use and abuse the Bible as you wish and declaring that GOD MEANT TO SAY that homosexuality is still wrong but everything else is up for chat?! Is that pretty standard now? God hates fags but everything else is okay yeah?
Or maybe, the fam hold a belief that I go around recruiting lesbians far and wide and because they already have one in their midst - that's plenty. We wouldn't want another one now would we?! How do I answer this?! Do I explain the obvious, that gayness is innate and not conditioned? Do I tell them that no amount of exposure to lesbians will turn my sister gay? Is this even the issue?
If I bring it up, there is a lot of stuttering and vagueness and not a lot of clarity.
What I want to know, is why is being gay still, after all this time - so taboo. I will gladly have intelligent debate with anyone who can come up with an intelligent line of thought. I haven't heard one thus far.
When I put the link to this blogpost on my Facebook - I shall block it from my Dad (so as not to offend) my sister (so as not to reveal the horrendous truth of her sister's deviant lifestyle) and my Mum (so as not to hear how awesomely okay she is with my gayness and how my Dad is totally unacceptable- as is standard opinion with divorced parents) I shouldn't have to do this but I will. And hear lies my part in the problem...I'm scared. For all my opinions about homophobia on a global scale; abortion laws and regulations for sex workers and all my other opinions that people in my life don't necessarily agree with, ultimately, I'm afraid to tell my family precisely why I think their opinions are complete bollocks and take life into my own hands and tell my sister in the right, positive and drama-free way that I am gay. And that it's okay. In fact, it's better than okay because I am happy. And that's pretty great isn't it? To be happy?
Maybe I'll work up the courage to do it one day but for now part of me is stuck with the realisation that some part of me is enabling these horrendous opinions to continue to exist. Today is not a good day.
